I made it 19 days of my 21 day cleanse. I know, so close, right? I don't feel bad about it though. 19 days was all I could handle. It got to a point where the stress it was adding felt to be outweighing the benefits. During the cleanse it consumes your thoughts. I'm not kidding. It got to a point for me that I couldn't hold onto the constant discipline as well as the stress I was going through in my normal life. All the joy had been sucked out my life. Did I feel good physically? I'll answer that with an emphatic yes. No aches, pains, I was sleeping well. No gas, no bloating. But mentally, I was exhausted. Something snapped. I had a bagel. And I felt calm.
TLee wanted me to post photos of myself, but I honestly don't feel like I look any different. Yes, I lost weight, but it didn't make me appear more toned. I don't think that a photo would reveal anything discernible.
I've carb-loaded more than I planned, and gained a bit back, but I anticipated that. I'm exercising. I'm ready to find balance in my diet.
As I sat pondering on this little journey, I realized the power that I let numbers have over me. Weight was the only measurable effect of the cleanse, and I clung to it. Since my teenage years, a step on the scale has had the power to completely change my mood, although the mirror reveals the same person before and after I do so. I realized that I let those numbers give me permission to hate or love myself. I realized that I'm holding myself to some standard established three kids and ten years ago.
I'm so tired of it.
Sorry, that's gross, but I wanted to prove to you how committed I am to taking back control. I want to be a person who honestly has no idea what she weighs. I want to be a person who cares about what her body can do, a person who looks in the mirror and thanks God for the gift. I want to be a person who doesn't punish her body for meeting every challenge it has faced.I told my dear friend my plan to throw away my scale, told her I was tired of hating myself. Her response was so powerful it brought tears to my eyes. She told me things she admired about me, told me I was beautiful and then said, "Throw that stupid scale away, because it's measuring all the wrong things." The truth of that resonates so strongly with me, not only for my sake, but for the sake of all the women in my life. I've said things like this before, and I've temporarily put the scale away, but now I'm ready for an entire shift in the way I view myself. I AM beautiful. I'm a healthy person. I will continue to try my best to take care of my body.
And instead of measuring how much I weigh, I'll measure how much I love myself instead.
12 comments:
You continue to amaze me day after day, year after year. Such a great post that everyone should read!!
You go, lady! Seriously, not having a scale around is the greatest thing. You won't regret it!
Way to go! Good luck with you're new goals. I know you'll continue to do amazing things.
What a healthy way to look at health. I think our society places far too much emphasis on the spinning numbers on the scale. It's as if that number has the definitive word on our well being when really that number should just be the beginning of the conversation.
Good for you for not letting it dictate your mood.
That said, I could have kissed my scale this morning. :)
I LOVE it. I wish all women would throw out their scales and measure how much worth they had instead of a silly number. Thanks for the post.
@ Trisha - Well, thanks, but I really think that what you call "amazing" is what I call "desperate." I'm really just trying to find ways to cope with my deep weaknesses.
@ Sarah - Good to have your testimonial!
@ Angie - Thanks for the vote of confidence.
@ Christina - I think that measuring weight can be a useful way to see progress. I think it's a fine line between recognizing improvements in health to obsessing about physical appearance. For me, I have lived too far on the wrong side of the line. Happy for you that you're seeing progress that pleases you!
@ Natalie - Glad you found something worthwhile in the post!
I don't have a scale either. I'd rather measure by how I feel and what I see in the mirror. I love the thought about measuring the wrong thing. That is beautiful!
Krystal - Clearly one need not own a scale to be fit and lovely. More living proof!
Good. I have never owned a scale and this is why.
Powerful words from your friend.
Down with scales!! Weight is one clue about how healthy we are, but way too much a somewhat arbitrary number is considered the ultimate goal, and when we reach that number we're somehow all the sudden perfect . . . ?
I am curious -- Are you going to make any permanent diet changes from what you learned from the cleanse? Are there any changes you recommend everyone try, or is it too individual to say?
My mom secretly threw away the scale when my sisters and I were heading into our teenage years. It was brilliant and I thank her for it. We have never owned a scale and it really makes you focus on things FAR more helpful: Healthy living!! You are amazing, Joni!
@ Cami - Yes, I'm grateful for all my friends who continually offer wisdom and support.
@ Steph - I'm amazed at how this simple change in perspective has changed my life in only a week. I think that scales can be an indication of health, but that for a great many people, the number has nothing to do with health and everything to do comparing themselves to others. As far as things I'm taking away from the cleanse I think that the most important thing I learned was that my body NEEDS much much less than it regularly gets. The biggest habit I'm taking with me is sticking with a liquid breakfast and eating smaller dinners. Optimally, our bodies do best if the greatest portion of our daily food is consumed mid-day.
@ Becca - I'm finding a pattern here. Most of the people who have told me that they don't own a scale are people who appear fit and healthy. There must be something to this. And I haven't even taken into consideration how it would affect me kids, but its pleasing to think of raising my kids in a home where their mother is not obsessed with weight. Your mom is a smart lady!
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