My Five Year Plan

I've got three weeks left until my semester is over. I am so excited! I will get a huge portion of my life back.

My last final is on my birthday. Fitting. It will mark more than one ending.

As an update on my progress, I have officially eaten ZERO treats since March 27. I've tried very hard to eliminate refined grains and sugar from my diet and I've been eating, as my friend Sarah likes to call it, "a crap-ton of fruits and vegetables." I've put in five sessions in my running training and so far, so good. I feel powerful. I feel in control.

Except that my scale says I've gained a pound.

Well, screw the scale. I'm in it for health this time. I have put the scale away and refuse to cower to it anymore. It is not my master.

So anyway, I've discovered something about myself. It seems I'm a bit of a late bloomer. When I think of all the time I've wasted hating myself, I feel frustrated and sad. Satan spent what could have been some of the most productive years of my life enslaving me with the idea that I was wimpy, that I was worthless, that I was never meant to do anything important. You'll be lucky if you just survive, he told me. You'd be stupid to try to do more than that. But something is changing inside of me. I'm giving myself some credit. I'm learning to love myself. Dang it, I like who am. And, guess what: I'M STRONG. Raspberries to anyone who says otherwise (Satan!).

I've been thinking a lot lately about things I've always wanted to do, but figured would be too hard for me. As well as believing I was weak, I have also been afflicted with the idea that unless I am perfect at something, or unless I do it just like everyone else does it, I shouldn't even attempt it. Well, raspberries to that too.

I've got a five year plan.

I made a list of five things I've always really wanted to do, but believed were too hard, that I could never accomplish. I've got more than five on my list, but these five are things that I think I can attain in the next five years. Remind me to show you my long term list another time.

By the time I turn 37, I will have:

1 - Graduated from college. The fact that I've been working on this for a year already has boosted my confidence, expanded my perspective and reinforced my desire to be more than I presently am.

2 - Run five miles continuously. Anyone who knows me knows that this would be a gigantic accomplishment for me. I'm working up to it. I should be able to do three by June.

3 - Learned another language. This will most likely be Portuguese as I've got an in-house tutor and support.

4 - Written a novel. I've started and stopped this goal several times, daunted by the task. I have no control over being published, but this book WILL be written.

5 - Learned to oil paint. I have no experience with this, but I used to watch Bob Ross in fascination and wish so badly that I had an opportunity just to try what he was doing.

I'm sure there will be several other mini-goals along the way, but these are the big five.

For the first time in my life, I really believe I can do these things, and what's more, that I will.

I apologize if my posting has been all inspirational speaking lately. One of these days you're going to get a huge long post of pictures and other fun things. This is just what has occupied my mind lately.